Okay...So now I'm a lesbian AGAIN!!!

Lol...Woooo!! This is that what popped into my head when best friend told me that she was liking this female. Oh my goodness!......OH SNAP...WAIT A MINUTE!

I'm sorry I know its been a while since I've been here! Been too busy and had too many distractions, but now a chic is focused...okay back to my story!

My birthday was earlier this month and I went to visit my best friend for the weekend. I can honestly say that we are going in two different directions with our lives. She is still in party mode and I am ready to be the Christian God has called me to be. However, we managed to meet in the middle and have a good time. Let me tell you, I love her like a sister, but she is a puff and a drink away from being some type of an addict. She was always a drinker, but would never drink to get drunk now she is drinking and not knowing how much money she spent at the bar. She now drinks to get drunk...SO LAME--before someone goes in on me--I've told her that was lame.

Well she has just broken up with a boyfriend that was less than perfect and in the end only cared about himself. There were plenty of nights were she would call me at 1am crying about how he doesn't care. There were also plenty of nights were I would tell her she needs to put herself first and stop losing herself in relationships, but she didn't listen until it was too late...

Now she is liking this female...her liking females is nothing new b/c when we were in undergrad together she was dating a female and I was put in between each and one of their many problems....WHY ME!!!....she said after that relationship was over she wouldn't date any other female...LIE!...I guess one would have to know my friend in order to know why I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed b/c I know exactly were this relationship will go and who will once again be stressed! I just want to yell "love yourself enough to know that being in a relationship right now is not healthy...get to know yourself!" She talks a good game, but can never live up to it....so now she is not liking men anymore. Now she's back to women!!! Nothing but flip flopping and back switching going on here!!

Facing My Past for the Future

I've been waiting and debating for so long on whether I should write this post or not. By writing this I have to come to terms with some things that happened in my past. I would have to face some realities and truths that go along with this. However, this past Sunday my pastor made a goo comment about having skeletons in the closet and for some people we may have bodies in our closet. Well, I have one issue that I have never faced still dangling in my closet. I have never told anyone until now. Actually, it took me up until yesterday to really admit to myself what happened and the effects that I suffered also.

When I was around 5 or 6 my next door neighbor, she was not too much older than me, would come over to play with me sometimes. Well one day she said she wanted to play a game were she was a "boy" and I was a "girl." I said okay, and so we started playing and next thing I know she begins to touch me in all of the wrong areas. At first I didn't like it but she convinced me that we were just playing and that no one would never know. She said that she did this with all of her friends. So we kept playing and she then asked me to lay down so that she could "do it to me." She repeatedly touched me and rubbed her body against mine. She kept telling me that no one would find out and that if I wanted to continue being her friend we would have to switch places. Meaning I would play the boy and she would be the "girl." She would coach me on were to touch her and how to rub up against her. I never told anyone cause she said friends wouldn't tell on each other. So, as the years went by I just put it in the back of my memory until recently. I have been going through some personal recognition and truths so that I can move forward with my life. Releasing this has made me feel a lot better. As to whether or not I believed she molested me, I don't know? Maybe one would say she did and someone else would say she didn't. I just know that now I don't have this stuck in my mind as a bottled up memory so I am at peace with myself.

Depressed No More!!

Hey...I'm back..People I tell you. I was going through some changes. My job had to let me go for month and I should be back to work in November (thank God). My personal life isn't going the way I want it to go. So for a while I have been in a very quiet mood.....But all of that has changed now!!!

I don't know what was going on with me. For that past several weeks I've been in a major funk. I don't know if I was depressed, hurt, or just not feeling life at that moment. However, your girl is doing much better now. I think a switch just went off and said "Okay, its time to move on." Moving on is just what I did. I've started a new workout plan, got a new hairstyle, and bought some new clothes and shoes. I had to cheer myself and start down my new road of self discovery. I think my change of mood may have something to do with the change of the season. Fall is here and there are new beginnings all around me. I can hardly wait to step into my destiny!

As time goes on I will be more consistent with my life changes as well as posting new things along with venturing out. Not only will I be venturing out more in my personal life, but in the blog world as well. I got some new ideas floating around in my head and very soon they will be manifesting themselves in my life and the lives of others. Until then, talk to you all later!!!

Semi-Update...the same ol' same ol'

Okay I'm here....been busy for a while..not having the internet at home is getting me too. I tell you if hasn't been one thing after another. I got back from my trip to Ecuador at the beginning of the month. Came back home sick with bronchitis and upper respirtory infection. I stayed out of work for an extra week (my Lord). Come back to work with a mountain of papers on my desk and day by day the stack gets larger. Now my job my job. Am I thankful for it yes, do I like everyone here--NO!! You always have those that nose around in your business. Well in my case that person or person(s) nosing around got me called into a private meeting with my two managers. Now these people could have saved their breaths cause what they were speaking about I already knew. I tell you this someone around here better keep my name out of their mouth and worry about their own job.

I know this is just a hard attempt by the devil to knock me off my game of walking in the glory of God. However, he will not win....I'm more than a conquorer through Jesus Christ!!!! Now they have some people playing babsitter with me like I don't know it. Its three nosey women and I know they are guilty because when I look at them they can't look me in the eye. One of them was face to face with me from a distance (a short one) and she quickly turned her head. This little old lady needs to take heed just as the rest do. They don't know that by messing with and trying to underhand a child of the Kingdom is the same as doing the Almighty the same way. He created all of us in his own image. Following his plan for our life is a choice we must make but for the ones that do no weapons formed against us will prosper. That is why these people around here need to be careful. I'm not perfect in anyway possible but I do have a relationship with my Father. His hand is mighty and his wrath is feirce. Going against him in all his ways will only result in spiritual death for the wicked.

With that being said I'm done speaking about work....next subject!!!....tbc: to be continued

Read My Mind

"He Loves Me (Lyzel In E Flat)"

You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me some things to think about
Ignite me, you invite me, you co-write me, you love me, you like me
You incite me to chorus, ooh
Ooh...

You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me things to think about
Invite me, you ignite me, co-write me, you love me, you like me
Incite me to chorus
La, la, la...
Da, da, da...
Do, do, do...

You're different and special
You're different and special in every way imaginable
You love me from my hair follicles to my toenails
You got me feeling like the breeze, easy and free and lovely and new
Oh when you touch me I just can't control it
When you touch me, I just can't hold it
The emotion inside of me, I can feel it

Ah...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY-CACRCdt8

Jill did her thing with this song. I mean if someone were to ask me to describe my ideal man I would just play this song. Its like she was in my head when she wrote this. Even though I was in high school when this CD was dropped the song still resides in my heart. It brings me back to a guy that I was crushing on in high school as well as a close male friend of mine from college. I can put this song on and just drift away. I love how she says "you co-write me"...I mean that is one thing every woman is looking for in a man. To have that special someone to compliment you in every way is almost magical. When I get married I am most definitely going to play this song at my wedding....love love love the song as if you couldn't tell.

Taking A Break and Having Fun

I saw this over at Sharon's place and thought it would be a good way to break the mood I'm in while at work. I will give this a try seems like fun. What you do is pick an Artist then use the titles of their songs for the answers to the questions.

Pick your Artist: Michale Jackson

Are you a male or female:"PYT"

Describe yourself:"Smooth Criminal"

How do you feel:"Never Can Say Goodbye"

Describe where you currently live:"I Wanna be Where You Are"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?"Rock With You"

Your favorite form of transportation:"Butterflies"

Your best friend?"Dirty Diana"

You and your best friends are:"Dangerous"

What's the weather like:"Shake Body Down to the Ground"

Favorite time of day:"Rockin' Robin"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:"Remember the Time"

What is life to you:"Leave Me Alone"

Your relationship:"You Are Not Alone"

Your fear:"Gone too Soon"

What is the best advice you have to give:"The Man in the Mirror"

Thought for the Day:"Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough"

How I would like to die:"Thriller"

My soul's present condition:"Off The Wall"

My motto:"Beat It"

I must say this was fun...Amazing to see how I relate these songs to my life..Will forever be a MJ fan.

I Made It Through.....God Kept Me Here!!

I enjoyed my trip and would not change a thing that happened especially getting sick. Getting sick is all apart of the journey to Ecuador. Its something you can't really avoid--it just happens. This year for me it hit me really hard. I came home with a bad chest cold that I gave to my mother. She in turn got a viral infection and my chest cold turned into bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection. Now this to a blind eye may seem like a consequence of place and circumstance. However, to my spiritual eye I know this was an attempt of the devil. He knew he couldn't break my focus while I was gone so he wanted to knock me down while I was at home. He knows the circumstance I'm facing here at home and he knows that I need to be at work, but I give God glory anyway. I may not be 100% in my body just yet but like the saying goes "One monkey don't stop no show" and my show will not be canceled by the attempts of someone that fell from grace---NOT HERE NOT NOW NOT NEVER!!!

Well what can I say. I made it!! I went to Ecuador and back with God's grace and mercy on my shoulders. My trip this year was different to say the least. There was a lot of warfare in the spiritual going on. It seem like everyone had something going on with them by way of the devil. He tried and he tried to take our focus but in the end God already claimed the victory. I was blessed by so many people and families. I was actually pulled out of my element by my pastor this year. He asked me to do intake with him. We sat down with the families and took notes on what some of their medical issues were before they saw the doctor. This was trying for me a first because I know very little Spanish but the amount that I do know was enough to understand the needs and concerns of the people coming in.

I can't tell you how many people/families came in with the flu, parasites, bronchitis, inflammation of the body, vision problem, or all of the above. It sadden me to see the really young and the really old. They were the worse patients. They were the ones that could hardly do for themselves and to see them go through so much pain was heartbreaking. I know here seeing a single mother is nothing new but to see one down there is something completely different. Being a single mother there means literally having no money and no way of getting assistance. At least here the government will step in and give some type of aid versus in Ecuador or the city of Guayaquil, were the government is pretty much ran on the notion of autonomy.

For the entire time we were doing the make-shift medical clinic we were located in the most dangerous part of the city. We didn't know how dangerous it was until we found out that our three bus drivers had been robbed at gun point while we were working one day. Now the gang members that did this could have come in and really hurt us and did more damage to our drivers, but by the grace of God all they did was take their money and cell phones. No one was harmed physically so thank God for that.

I do have more to tell and as the days go by and I begin to feel better I will post more with pictures too....until them....