I've been waiting and debating for so long on whether I should write this post or not. By writing this I have to come to terms with some things that happened in my past. I would have to face some realities and truths that go along with this. However, this past Sunday my pastor made a goo comment about having skeletons in the closet and for some people we may have bodies in our closet. Well, I have one issue that I have never faced still dangling in my closet. I have never told anyone until now. Actually, it took me up until yesterday to really admit to myself what happened and the effects that I suffered also.
When I was around 5 or 6 my next door neighbor, she was not too much older than me, would come over to play with me sometimes. Well one day she said she wanted to play a game were she was a "boy" and I was a "girl." I said okay, and so we started playing and next thing I know she begins to touch me in all of the wrong areas. At first I didn't like it but she convinced me that we were just playing and that no one would never know. She said that she did this with all of her friends. So we kept playing and she then asked me to lay down so that she could "do it to me." She repeatedly touched me and rubbed her body against mine. She kept telling me that no one would find out and that if I wanted to continue being her friend we would have to switch places. Meaning I would play the boy and she would be the "girl." She would coach me on were to touch her and how to rub up against her. I never told anyone cause she said friends wouldn't tell on each other. So, as the years went by I just put it in the back of my memory until recently. I have been going through some personal recognition and truths so that I can move forward with my life. Releasing this has made me feel a lot better. As to whether or not I believed she molested me, I don't know? Maybe one would say she did and someone else would say she didn't. I just know that now I don't have this stuck in my mind as a bottled up memory so I am at peace with myself.
Good to get it out! Sorry you had to experience that...but getting it out is the beginning of healing...and moving forward...
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason she told you not to tell...and at a young age, we mimmick what we see do...or what we've been told to do...I am quite sure someone had played this game with her and told her not to tell...