SIN, FORNICATION, AND BROKEN COMMANDMENTS...

Sin, fornication, and broken commandments that is the road I've turned on. As you can see I've gotten lost on my journey and turned down this back alley.

When I first started this blog I wanted to take accurate note of adventures throughout my journey. As stated before I don't know where I'm going or where I will end up. However, in the midst of my journey I have fallen. I've fallen from grace and from the glory of God. Today I had the brightest revelation like no other. While in the middle of something that was occupying my time and afterwards I had the biggest feel of guilt and shame.

I know the things that I have been doing as of late are not in accordance to God's word. I have such guilt and shame for what I've done that I truly feel like I cannot and will not tell anyone. If I want to be in the beautiness of the Lord and if I want his glory to manifest within me then I need to make the needed steps in doing so. I don't want my living to be in vain. I also don't want what I do to affect those around me. By not being on one accord with those close to me in spirit and in truth I can hinder them and in turn they will not be blessed accordingly. That is the last thing I want to happen. I love those that are close to me and want nothing but the best for them.

I've heard his word over and over again, but today everything hits home hard. From today and until the end of my journey I will have a new outlook and a new means for my journey. I still have not set destination, but I know that once I get there I will know it.

Sin is real. The devil wanting to kill, steal, and destroy is real. So is the power of God and Jesus Christ. If you don't believe in HIM I'm not going to judge, knock, or force you. Right now I can't do anything but get myself together then do the work of the Lord. Until then........See you back on life's highway

Living The Single Life

This weekend was a very busy one for me. I had family from out of state come and visit. We met up with each other in the "sticks" of NC. Now when I say "sticks" I mean "one main stop light and the name of the town in front of every business establishment you see"....My people my people they have not left there and will continue to live in that small town state of mind.....Needless to say I am tired from all the coming and going that was done between where I live and who we saw.....Now this post isn't about my family visit but more so about the news that was delivered to me right before my mom, my aunt, and my brother left to go to the country....

A close friend of the family (named) "Lady" had been seeing this guy (named) "Creeper". Lady and Creeper had been seeing each other for 2yrs. All was well between the two she had him around her daughter and even took him home to meet her family. Well, like the story goes all good things must come to an end eventually. Creeper who is a motor coach operator has been seeing another female (named) "Woman" for 3yrs. Now Lady found this out because her friend who works with Creeper and Woman was conversing with an outside female and found out that the two were in fact together. Lady's friend left a note in Woman's car then called Lady to let her know what the deal was. Now here is the messed up part here. Lady had been giving it to Creeper on the regular. He would come to her house after work and would stay until the wee hours of the night. This was due to Woman having a second job. Well, the day before Lady found out about his backward ways the two had sex....he's a nasty bastard!!!

This dude, when he got caught had the audacity to call Lady and her friend miserable B****es and then said that they would continue to be lonely. To make a long story short this dude did the ultimate to her. He stood by her in some of her toughest times and even told her he cared about her, but how much did he care if he had a woman already and they are ENGAGED and BUYING A HOUSE!!!!

Now I know all men are not like this but situations like this keep for ever thankful to be living the single life.

****I should post the bastard's real name Deon, but that would be wrong of me now would it??? I mean how do I look putting a dirty d**k mofo on blast like that???? And if he reads this oh well should've kept his behind at home were he belongs!!!!

Celtic Pride and Music

I had an eventful night tonight. Ask anyone that I'm close to and they will tell you that I'm a die-hard Boston Celtics fan. Well if you follow basketball you know that the first round of the playoffs are going on. Tonight the Celtics lost to the Bulls in a triple overtime game 6. Now game 7 and the final game of this series will take place Saturday in Boston.....Now I have to put my nerves through another emotional 48 minutes...God my nerves are going to be shot!!!!

Now this post isn't solely about my Beantown boys but about my other favorite pass time...MUSIC.
Music is the one escape I have outside of praying and daydreaming. I have a huge passion for music. Of course I have my favorites but I can appreciate every style that is out. If I had to list my favorite artist it would be a very eclectic mix. For fun let me just see what that list would look like (not in any particular order):

Donny Hathaway
Patti LaBelle
Mary Mary
CeCe Winans
Gladys Knight
Phil Collins
Creed
Michael Jackson
Stevie Wonder
Enya
Boney James
Mary J. Blige
Luther Vandross
Aretha Franklin
Betty Wright
Sade
India Arie
Floetry
Goapole
Anthony Hamilton
Raheem Devaughn
David Bowie
Faith Hill
Leanne Rimes
Beethoven
Diedrick Haddon
Celine Dion
Linkin Park
Slick Rick
Doug E. Fresh
Big Daddy Kane
A Tribe Called Quest
Common
Biz Markie
KRS-ONE
LL Cool J ('95 and back)
Eric B. and Rakim
Run DMC
Beastie Boys
Afrikaa Bambatta
Kirk Franklin
Bishop Paul S. Morton
Hezakiah Walker
Fred Hammond
John P. Kee
Yolanda Adams
Martha Munizzi
Vicki Yohe
Donny McClurkin
Audio Two
Nas

okay its getting late and I think my list is long enough...forgive the spelling its 1:50am and I have to be up at 6am....so I'm going to bed now.

Issue One Revisited

I was gonna do a post that I had seen on one of my friends facebook page about 100 truths, but after reading his I decided that it was just tooooo long!!!

I don't really have much to say. I guess I still have some things on my mind that will be settled in due time. I know I'm on the verge of telling my mother that I'm ready to leave and be on my own. I haven't had the chance to be on my own and experience "my adulthood." Like I stated before I don't want to see my mother struggling once I leave but I know I will need a more stable job in order move out on my own. I gotta make some moves because I'm starting to get agitated with myself and my mother. My moods have been shifty as of late. It just makes me mad at times. I love my mother and its nothing against her but I'm way past ready to be out on my own. I don't want to be thirty and still at home. I feel like I haven't accomplished much since I graduated college.

I've been looking at apartments that would fit into my budget right now, but I wouldn't want to go anywhere with out first consulting God and my mother. I haven't gotten confirmation from the Lord, unless I've missed his voice and calling-----LORD I HOPE NOT!!!! In due time I will have all the answers.

OKAY!!

OKAY....that is all I can say today. This word goes for my attitude, my mood, my train of thought...EVERYTHING!!! I mean there are still situations (big and small) that have not completely went away, but in the midst I'm still doing okay. There are still somethings from the past that are still on my mind, but they will work themselves out with the help of prayer of course.

This weekend I plan on taking my mind off of some of my current situations by going out with a group of people. I say people and not friends because I only know 3 of the females and I consider them "cool" and my "home-girl", but like the title says they're OKAY...!! We are suppose to be going to a party of some sorts. I'm not a big fan of clubs and the party scene but it has been a while since I really went out and I'm looking forward to going. I know the night is going to be interesting, how interesting well, I will see when everything goes down. Its the weekend, negros just got paid, and wanna show off what they don't have!

Speaking of those that don't have. Why is that people who have no pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of are some of the most pickiest people?.......I know 2 people like that one of them just so happen to be married to my brother.....to be continued cause this chick needs her own post!!!!

This N***a Here

I don't like using the "N" word but given the current situation it seems to be the only word that fits. Okay, My god-daughter's mother is now pregnant for the fifth time with this making her third child. She had one miscarriage from her kids father and another one with the guy she is with currently. Don't get me wrong children are a blessing but when you become careless in your methods of birth control or the lack there of you need the s**t shook out of you.

This girl has a bad habit of dealing with worthless BOYS....Her kids father would beat her whenever he felt like it. Take for instance when she was 7 months pregnant with my god-daughter he beat and he went to jail for it. After I'll say a year she let him move back in with her and one day while in the kitchen he hauled off and punched her in the ear. Okay, she left him alone and about a few months later she took him some place and in the middle of traffic he tells her it "smells like another n***a in here" and commence to beating her the front seat of her car. Now "WOW" and "WHY" was all I could say about that situation. Well she finally left him alone and went to another "no gooda".

The guy she is with now is her Manager's son (she works at Taco Bell) and he DOESN'T work and already has a child. Let me back up a sec. She met him while at work because he was dating another female that worked with her. They started messing around, he broke up with the girl, and now my friend is pregnant. Now in the midst of this so-called relationship he has left her for no reason, left her kids at daycare and didn't call while driving her car, and who knows what else. Now the kicker comes here: She told him she was pregnant and this n***a here gone tell her to get an abortion cause he "don't want anymore kids now"!!! All I could do was laugh at her because she is the one playing herself stupid. I told she needs to drop him and go her own way for her kids sake.

I love my friend dearly but when she told me this mess of a situation I had to lay it on the line and tell her what was real and what reality is gonna be like for her. She tried to cut the conversation short so next time we speak she is gonna hear what I have to say if she listens to me well, that is another story for another day.

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UPDATE:

She just texted me after her doctor's appointment. The doctor told her she is pregnant in her tube so she will not be carrying this baby. Well, in a way that is good cause she is already clueless with two kids and a third with a worthless man would have made things worse in my opinion!

No Money Mo' Problems

Still no computer of my own. Hopefully by this weekend I will have the software I need in order to get rid of the virus on my computer.

People say the more money you have the more problems that come. That is true but right now I am going through "no money and mo' problems." Am I tapped out-NO but my tank isn't running on full either. I get paid on Friday and stretching my dollar on Monday. Am I complaining-NO cause I could easily be like the other million people that are living without a job right now.

Okay enough with boring you and me with my financial issues. It seems like once you get rid of one problem another comes hightailing it in the door. Now I rarely let people take me to a point where I just want to lose my cool. For one I could be using that energy on something else and two if I lose my cool I know I will be visiting the Gray Bar Hotel with a 23 hour lock down restriction....!!!! Now this one lady at my job has been trying to slowly test me. This lady only has about 2 more good times of testing me before I really let her old behind have it. She along with some of the other people at my job have become one big thorn in my posterior. They think they know everything when they can't see what's in their face for looking too hard! I am going through enough personal mess to put up with unnecessary foolishness at work.

Then there is still the lingering foolishness of a mess that is going on in my life. My tension headaches have ceased but the problems are still there. I am restructuring my relationship with Christ so in that process I have learned to give all problems to him. It seems as if I can't work on my mess cause people are coming at me with their issues. I don't mind listening and giving advice cause that is what I do best as a friend but some days I need to be the one to vent out my issues (hence this blog). At times it seems as if I am the third party in everyone elses relationship. When the waters are rough they call me, when they decide to not settle they call me, and when they feel like everything has gone wrong or will go wrong they call me all while crying. Then there is this one friend, he calls me when every female he has come in contact with does him wrong. Now he's calling me and when we talk he tries to hint around and keep tabs on what I have been doing and who I'm doing it with....FOOLISHNESS!!!

These problems may not seem major but they are my problems and they have been on going for far too long. Foolishness around, living on a limit man "No Money and Mo' Problems"......