Okay, I'm not sure how to start this but here it goes...last week a church member passed away. He was killed by way of getting hit by a school bus. The entire story is so sad because it was a sudden death that was truly a mistake. From the stories going around the guy was riding a bicycle and road into traffic (thinking he could beat it). With that being said he was hit by the front of the bus, drugged up under the front wheel and stuck up under the bus. He succumbed to his injuries at the hospital. The deceased was a very kind hearted man. He was so full of life and loved the Lord as well as his family. Now his funeral was today. This is where things get interesting....
For starters the funeral was not held at our church, it was held at another church (his family decided that). This church was too small for the home going service, secondly the people...oh my goodness the people...!!...I have never seen people act in such an unprofessional and improper manner at a funeral. This was my first and Lord willing my last time attending a GHETTO funeral. The people came in talking loud, laughing, carrying on unnecessary conversations, and just being disrespectful to the deceased and his family. I mean I have never seen such actions. There were these two women behind me, my mother, and a few more of our church members. These two women carried on as if they were at home. Talking about getting their hair done, buying hot curlers, and eating candy. This one lady had the audacity to eat a GREEN LOLLIPOP! While the family was marching in, they continued to talk....wooo working my last nerve. This was the most ghetto funeral I've ever been too...These grown women were so disrespectful to the funeral service! It seems like every person that came in didn't know how to leave all ghetto tendencies at home. Whenever someone mentioned that area that the deceased grew up in the women behind me felt the need to shout it out like they were at a club or ghetto event talkin' bout..."THAT'S RIGHT...LANE STREET REPRESENT!!...WHAT WHAT!" I wanted to turn around and SHUT UP GHETTO BROAD, but I know One: that isn't Christ like and Two: It would have been disrespectful to the family. By the time this service was over...I was beside myself at how these people had carried on. My mother and other church members were in a state of disbelief as well at the actions of those that carried on in such an improper way.....
There are some other ghetto instances such as this man coming in wearing a fake rabbit white fur coat....looking a hot behind mess (of course the ghetto crew behind me had to laugh and say something)....it became standing room only at one point and the people didn't not want to go to the fellowship hall where the church was holding the overflow of people....the less dignified did not know how to leave orderly or quietly....so I ask the question again..have you ever ever ever in your long legged life....seen such or heard of such foolery at a funeral???
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
That Same Ol' Feelin'...AND IT DONT FEEL GOOD!!
I don't know what it is but every time i see a movie about a love story I start getting that same old feeling. Why is it that I can never seem to find love? I don't mean a lustful type of love, but the kind of love that can only be found when fed with the love of God. I'm patiently waiting for God to send me the man that he has created especially for me, however, the wait has become long and hurtful. I'm tired of people asking me if I'm seeing anyone and having to reply "no." I mean, its hard not having a companion, but its even harder having to be faithful to God and to not move before him.....I'm just gonna end this post. I have too many thoughts that aren't coming out clearly. Maybe I will come back to finish this one at a later date. Like I said before I have that same ol' feelin' and it won't let me go on any further
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
So Long 2010
2010 in the beginning was a great year for me. There were a few bumps along the road but for the most part everything was wonderful until the half way point.
It seems like as soon and June came in my year began to spiral. I had the resurgence of my father and that went on for about 2 months. I posted a letter to my father entitled "Waging War and Father Can You Hear Me?". That summed up everything that I have gone through with that man. Well, him trying to come back into my life (only to lie again which I wasn't fooled by) with surrounding situations caused me to have a serious nervous breakdown. Oh and to top everything off I began having some medical complications with me passing blood clots for some unkown reason.....eventually was resolved some months later!
My job situation was an ongoing thing. Its really hard to go into work everyday knowing that you are not being appreciated and that you have people watching and waiting to back stab you. The presence of EVIL was in that place HARD. I tried to maintain my position and not let anyone there break me. There were a few times when I wanted to just break out and let every underhanded person in that place have it, but God kept my mouth shut.
October came and went. During this time my mom I were going (still going) through some tough financial struggles. Seems like bills are always on the menu. Then on November 1 at 1:20pm my supervisor came to me to inform me that my time was up and that they would be laying me off!!! Of course she knew this ahead of time but waited until the last minuet to inform me. This lady has held me back from a number of positions that I know I was qualified for, but that is okay b/c God's favor is upon my life. Well, prior to me being laid off I found a cyst in one of most personal areas of my body. I was treated at my doctor and the next week is when I was laid off. November 7 was my birthday and during a that time another cyst formed....we're all adults here...both cysts were in my vagina area....the second one was right about the "sweet spot!" I again went to the doctor, she didn't know what it was so emergency surgery was needed. I went to the doctor on Tuesday..Wednesday morning I was called and told to be at Rex Surgical at 2pm so my procedure could be done at 2:30pm. Had the procedure only to be rushed to the ER the next night. Man, there was a battery of test performed from and EKG to a nuclear lung scan!!!
So now I'm unemployed (still), in pain, can't walk, getting vertigo from my medication, and now failing school because of my medical complications (currently going through and Financial Aid Academic Appeal as I type this)....WHAT A WAY TO END THE YEAR!! I'm pain free know,but I have some mountains to climb! That's okay because with every mountain there is a peak that can be reached and over that peak is my VICTORY and yours too if you believe! I can't dwell on my issues and trust there are too many right now, but God is my source, guide, and my Redeemer!
Well I give thanks anyway because I could not even be here. I could be dead mentally and physically. I've been battle tested and proven to win! There is nothing that can knock me down. Everything that happens is due in God's will.
I'm ready for 2011....I believing in elevation on every level. I speak over myself the positive and blessings over my life. I know if God had kept me this far....there must be something special for me at the finish line...God Bless everyone, see you in 2011, and know that even if I don't know you I still love you as God loves me!
It seems like as soon and June came in my year began to spiral. I had the resurgence of my father and that went on for about 2 months. I posted a letter to my father entitled "Waging War and Father Can You Hear Me?". That summed up everything that I have gone through with that man. Well, him trying to come back into my life (only to lie again which I wasn't fooled by) with surrounding situations caused me to have a serious nervous breakdown. Oh and to top everything off I began having some medical complications with me passing blood clots for some unkown reason.....eventually was resolved some months later!
My job situation was an ongoing thing. Its really hard to go into work everyday knowing that you are not being appreciated and that you have people watching and waiting to back stab you. The presence of EVIL was in that place HARD. I tried to maintain my position and not let anyone there break me. There were a few times when I wanted to just break out and let every underhanded person in that place have it, but God kept my mouth shut.
October came and went. During this time my mom I were going (still going) through some tough financial struggles. Seems like bills are always on the menu. Then on November 1 at 1:20pm my supervisor came to me to inform me that my time was up and that they would be laying me off!!! Of course she knew this ahead of time but waited until the last minuet to inform me. This lady has held me back from a number of positions that I know I was qualified for, but that is okay b/c God's favor is upon my life. Well, prior to me being laid off I found a cyst in one of most personal areas of my body. I was treated at my doctor and the next week is when I was laid off. November 7 was my birthday and during a that time another cyst formed....we're all adults here...both cysts were in my vagina area....the second one was right about the "sweet spot!" I again went to the doctor, she didn't know what it was so emergency surgery was needed. I went to the doctor on Tuesday..Wednesday morning I was called and told to be at Rex Surgical at 2pm so my procedure could be done at 2:30pm. Had the procedure only to be rushed to the ER the next night. Man, there was a battery of test performed from and EKG to a nuclear lung scan!!!
So now I'm unemployed (still), in pain, can't walk, getting vertigo from my medication, and now failing school because of my medical complications (currently going through and Financial Aid Academic Appeal as I type this)....WHAT A WAY TO END THE YEAR!! I'm pain free know,but I have some mountains to climb! That's okay because with every mountain there is a peak that can be reached and over that peak is my VICTORY and yours too if you believe! I can't dwell on my issues and trust there are too many right now, but God is my source, guide, and my Redeemer!
Well I give thanks anyway because I could not even be here. I could be dead mentally and physically. I've been battle tested and proven to win! There is nothing that can knock me down. Everything that happens is due in God's will.
I'm ready for 2011....I believing in elevation on every level. I speak over myself the positive and blessings over my life. I know if God had kept me this far....there must be something special for me at the finish line...God Bless everyone, see you in 2011, and know that even if I don't know you I still love you as God loves me!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Always In The Mood
I'm always in the mood to be inspired either by music, books, poetry, or people. Right now I have my music playlist on some the most inspiring gospel music (in my opinion) right now.
My favorite songs:
Vashawn Mitchell: Nobody Greater
Earnest Pugh: Rain on Us
Brian Courtney Wilson: All I Need and Already Here
Donald Lawrence: Back to Eden
Yolanda Adams: In the Midst of it All, Be Blessed, and The Battle is Not Yours
Vickie Winans: The Rainbow
Bishop Paul S. Morton and Choir: How Great Is Our God
Maurette Brown-Clark: Breaking of Day
Douglas Miller: My Soul Has Been Anchored In The Lord
Martha Munizzi: Because of Who You Are
My favorite writers: (not including too much fiction writers)
Nikki Giovanni
Mya Angelou
Cornell West
Tavis Smiley
Joyce Meyers
Sistah Souljah
My favorite Speakers (most are spiritual leaders):
My own Pastor and Assistant Pastor
Paula White
Joel Osteen
Pastor Jamal Bryant
Joyce Meyers
Cornell West
These were very short lists...if you have any suggestions spiritually based or not please feel free to share. I'm always in the mood for something new to inspire me.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
ONLY ME
Been busy as of last couple of months. Had some personal issues to resolve as well as grad school taking up my time. Finally, I have what seems like a milli-second to come here and post something. Well...here I am and here it is...
For the last couple of days it has been rainy and muggy out. With having no car and my mom's car being in the shop I have to ride the bus to work. Now, that doesn't bother me b/c nothing remotely interesting ever happens on my way to and from work. However this past Monday proved to be a little different. It began raining on Sunday evening and went on throughout the night..including us losing power for like 3 hours. Well I woke up Monday morning, LATE, and had to rush to the bus stop. Now to give a time frame this is what it was looking like.
Got up at 7:15....I usually catch the 7:21 bus..that didn't happen
Took bath and was out of the bathroom by 7:35
Got dressed by 7:40
Put wig on by 7:42
Left the house at 7:43
...it is an 8 minute walk from my house to the bus stop the bus comes at 7:52...
At 7:48 I am a block away from the bus stop...what do I see turning the corner..THE BUS
That bad boy came 4 minutes early...Now I had to wait until 8:21 for the next bus...IN THE RAIN!!
By this time car after car after car has passed me with every person giving me that "sad, oh, she's in the rain face.." Next thing I know...a car passes me, backs up and all I hear is "Are you going Downtown?" I yell "Yes Sir!" Now usually I would never step foot into the car of a strange man, but it was raining, I was getting wet (with an umbrella), and a mosquito had just bit me! So, I hopped my behind right into that car! He was a small framed man with glasses, so I figured if anything went down him and his little car would be tore up by your's truly!! Let's just say the ride was eventful for the 15 minutes that I was in there. This man cursed with ever other word he said, dug up his nose, made a phone call..while cursing, and asked for my phone number after getting me to work. I was not amused. To show my appreciation, I sent him a text the next day saying thank you it was nice, neat, and to the point. He didn't respond and I didn't think anything of it. That was until 5pm when he called me wanting to talk!! From our conversation he told me that he was divorced with 3 children the oldest being 22, 15, and 9....I promptly told I was 26! Not to mention he is a year younger than my mother (he is 48). I then told him I had an older brother! He kept dishing hints of "us" hanging out---"NOT HAPPNIN" He then goes on to talk about how he used to have a six pack and how he isn't in bad shape now and would show one day---EEERRR NOT HAPPNIN!!
How and why do I get the oldies and crazies...do I have a magnet or something?
For the last couple of days it has been rainy and muggy out. With having no car and my mom's car being in the shop I have to ride the bus to work. Now, that doesn't bother me b/c nothing remotely interesting ever happens on my way to and from work. However this past Monday proved to be a little different. It began raining on Sunday evening and went on throughout the night..including us losing power for like 3 hours. Well I woke up Monday morning, LATE, and had to rush to the bus stop. Now to give a time frame this is what it was looking like.
Got up at 7:15....I usually catch the 7:21 bus..that didn't happen
Took bath and was out of the bathroom by 7:35
Got dressed by 7:40
Put wig on by 7:42
Left the house at 7:43
...it is an 8 minute walk from my house to the bus stop the bus comes at 7:52...
At 7:48 I am a block away from the bus stop...what do I see turning the corner..THE BUS
That bad boy came 4 minutes early...Now I had to wait until 8:21 for the next bus...IN THE RAIN!!
By this time car after car after car has passed me with every person giving me that "sad, oh, she's in the rain face.." Next thing I know...a car passes me, backs up and all I hear is "Are you going Downtown?" I yell "Yes Sir!" Now usually I would never step foot into the car of a strange man, but it was raining, I was getting wet (with an umbrella), and a mosquito had just bit me! So, I hopped my behind right into that car! He was a small framed man with glasses, so I figured if anything went down him and his little car would be tore up by your's truly!! Let's just say the ride was eventful for the 15 minutes that I was in there. This man cursed with ever other word he said, dug up his nose, made a phone call..while cursing, and asked for my phone number after getting me to work. I was not amused. To show my appreciation, I sent him a text the next day saying thank you it was nice, neat, and to the point. He didn't respond and I didn't think anything of it. That was until 5pm when he called me wanting to talk!! From our conversation he told me that he was divorced with 3 children the oldest being 22, 15, and 9....I promptly told I was 26! Not to mention he is a year younger than my mother (he is 48). I then told him I had an older brother! He kept dishing hints of "us" hanging out---"NOT HAPPNIN" He then goes on to talk about how he used to have a six pack and how he isn't in bad shape now and would show one day---EEERRR NOT HAPPNIN!!
How and why do I get the oldies and crazies...do I have a magnet or something?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
In My Mind
Before I go into this post I have to shout out all of my fellow missionaries!! We just got back from Guayaquil, Ecuador. This was my fourth year in a row going and every year God never seems to do less than what we expect him to do. His power is so amazing and it is a true blessing to be an actual witness to what he can do in the lives of those that sincerely want to know him. I will have a post about my trip (it may be in several parts), but there will be one coming soon with pictures.
Okay, on to my post....I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but I am going to put out some things about me that only take place in my mind!...no I'm not crazy this is just another pit stop to helping me find my destination....IN MY MIND
I am a size 12 instead my actual size 26
I can sing
I can break dance...I'm the illest b-girl
I have an actual career
I have my dream car
I have my dream house
I'm not as shy as I am in reality
I don't have any body image problems
I'm the baddest chic you'll ever meet...at times
I have a sexier demeanor about me
I am with the man that God has designed for me....and he loves me
I have a 4.0 in grad school
This is only a short list, but when I take a look at it, it goes deeper for me. Some of this can be my reality if I stay focused on God and my own well being. 6 months to a year from now I will revisit this list and see which of them will be the truth for me...until then IN MY MIND they will be.
Okay, on to my post....I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but I am going to put out some things about me that only take place in my mind!...no I'm not crazy this is just another pit stop to helping me find my destination....IN MY MIND
I am a size 12 instead my actual size 26
I can sing
I can break dance...I'm the illest b-girl
I have an actual career
I have my dream car
I have my dream house
I'm not as shy as I am in reality
I don't have any body image problems
I'm the baddest chic you'll ever meet...at times
I have a sexier demeanor about me
I am with the man that God has designed for me....and he loves me
I have a 4.0 in grad school
This is only a short list, but when I take a look at it, it goes deeper for me. Some of this can be my reality if I stay focused on God and my own well being. 6 months to a year from now I will revisit this list and see which of them will be the truth for me...until then IN MY MIND they will be.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
IN THE MAKING
I am a blessing in the making:
God has given me the tools to become a blessing. Whether it is to myself or to those around me I am a blessing in the making. God's rewards on earth are mine (and yours) for the taking. The only thing is that we have to earn them. God will never hand us a victory or a blessing we have to earn them. Its not enough to say "Yes, I believe or Yes, I will follow." We have to live by example(s) as well. Don't judge me by the way that I dress, walk, speak, or look. Instead judge me by the way that I praise. Giving praise and worship to God is one of the highest acknowledgements of his existence. You see we can't hide from him nor can we run, but we can submit willing and forcefully. If we don't kneel down before him he will put us in a position were that (kneeling) will be the only option. God is not some man on the street that can be overlooked with little disregard. Instead he is a forceful, loving, all-knowing power that will take you were you need to be in any given moment in life. We may not always be were we want to be, but God has us were we need to be and it is up to us to see the blessing(s) behind that.
We all have different walks of life that we must follow. We will all answer to God at different times in our lives, when, that is left up to him. Being a blessing to someone is not about being perfect, or striving for perfection---that will never be humanly possible. Perfection is resting on the throne and we follow his footsteps. He set a path for each and every one of us. It is going to take some longer than others to follow that path, but in the end submission will happen. Being a blessing to others is not always about giving tangible items. Being happy for your brother or sister in the midst of their blessing can actually bless you! You may not see it and you may not understand it, but in the end God will reveal it to you. If you have dreams that you know are based on God's word and anointing speak them into existence because your dreams are only a visualization of the victories that await you. God will never not bless his people remember he wants to bless us.
It has taken me a while and I am still learning, but being were I want to be is not were God needs for me to be right now. See giving us everything we want will only spoil us. He will consider us for certain circumstances. He knows which one of us will be the strongest to withstand that is why we are given certain battles to fight. The battle we fight will never end in a loss. Why, because we were already given the victory. However, we must fight, praise, and pray in the midst of to show God that we do believe in his power. God will never put us through a battle to lose and be taken out. He will put us through so that we can see just how powerful he is and to see how quick we will call and allow him to operate in our going-through. Remember you are a blessing in the making!
God is real, God is love, God is here. Be a blessing to someone because you never know that person may in turn bless you!!
God has given me the tools to become a blessing. Whether it is to myself or to those around me I am a blessing in the making. God's rewards on earth are mine (and yours) for the taking. The only thing is that we have to earn them. God will never hand us a victory or a blessing we have to earn them. Its not enough to say "Yes, I believe or Yes, I will follow." We have to live by example(s) as well. Don't judge me by the way that I dress, walk, speak, or look. Instead judge me by the way that I praise. Giving praise and worship to God is one of the highest acknowledgements of his existence. You see we can't hide from him nor can we run, but we can submit willing and forcefully. If we don't kneel down before him he will put us in a position were that (kneeling) will be the only option. God is not some man on the street that can be overlooked with little disregard. Instead he is a forceful, loving, all-knowing power that will take you were you need to be in any given moment in life. We may not always be were we want to be, but God has us were we need to be and it is up to us to see the blessing(s) behind that.
We all have different walks of life that we must follow. We will all answer to God at different times in our lives, when, that is left up to him. Being a blessing to someone is not about being perfect, or striving for perfection---that will never be humanly possible. Perfection is resting on the throne and we follow his footsteps. He set a path for each and every one of us. It is going to take some longer than others to follow that path, but in the end submission will happen. Being a blessing to others is not always about giving tangible items. Being happy for your brother or sister in the midst of their blessing can actually bless you! You may not see it and you may not understand it, but in the end God will reveal it to you. If you have dreams that you know are based on God's word and anointing speak them into existence because your dreams are only a visualization of the victories that await you. God will never not bless his people remember he wants to bless us.
It has taken me a while and I am still learning, but being were I want to be is not were God needs for me to be right now. See giving us everything we want will only spoil us. He will consider us for certain circumstances. He knows which one of us will be the strongest to withstand that is why we are given certain battles to fight. The battle we fight will never end in a loss. Why, because we were already given the victory. However, we must fight, praise, and pray in the midst of to show God that we do believe in his power. God will never put us through a battle to lose and be taken out. He will put us through so that we can see just how powerful he is and to see how quick we will call and allow him to operate in our going-through. Remember you are a blessing in the making!
God is real, God is love, God is here. Be a blessing to someone because you never know that person may in turn bless you!!
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