This week has been a little difficult. I guess a lot of it has to do with my 28th birthday. I turned 28 this past Monday and to be honest, I'm thankful to God for allowing me to be here and seeing this day, but a big part of me just isn't happy. Last year this time I went through some difficult transitions in my life that hard for me to deal with. This time last year, I had been laid off from my job (I had been there for 4 years), I had to have a surgical procedure, and my grades were slipping in graduate school. Fast forward a year later and there have only been minimal changes within my life. While I'm not back in graduate school, I have managed to find a part time job or should I say the job found me. I am still living with my mother (I am beyond ready to move), and I still don't have my DLs. This is not how I planned for my 28th birthday to be like. I never had any specific plans for myself by the time I was 28. I just wanted to be in a successful career and living independently. However, I see myself at the bottom looking up and it hurts so bad, I tell you it does. Talking about life taking an unexpected turn, this is a big one! I'm definitely on a journey and my ending is one that only god knows.
I find security in knowing that God is the only one that can bring me out of this journey and into a place of stability. He is the only one that knew my life would be like this at this very point in time. Knowing that gives me a stronger faith in the God that I serve. I have my moments when I cry because in all honesty it hurts. Going through hurts. It hurts to struggle, it hurts to see that your life is not where you want it to be, and it hurts to be honest with yourself and your situation. I have complete faith in God that all things are going tow work out for my good. According to the word of God, he knew the plans for my life before I knew myself, Jeremiah 29:11 states "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." That scripture and many others keep my going and feed my faith in the Lord.
I know bad times do last. I know struggles are only temporary. I also know that if I never struggle Iwill never be able to appreciated the blessings that God is ready to delivery into my life.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Here and Now
Man, its been 4 months since I have posted something on here. I have been through so many ups and downs in these past 4 months. Let's see...I have yet to find a job in my desired career path. However, I am working part-time in one of my favorite stores, LB! I really enjoy working there and my manager is mad cool. She hired me without even giving me an interview...can we say WORD!!!! I am still blessed to able to receive my unemployment, but my mind state is slowly going in and out. I want to be working on a stable, suitable, and career focused job ASAP! I am not used to this. However, I do know that all of this is God's doing and he is testing me on so many levels right now.
Let's see besides bill collectors calling me, student loans people riding my back, and the basic bills kicking me and my mom's butt life is pretty good. I just came back from my 5th mission trip. This was my 5th year going to Guayaquil Ecuador and as usual God really blessed me. I saw people that have become my distant family members and most importantly I saw my adopted Ecuadorian baby....Oh she is so beautiful and even though I only see her once a year she remembers me like I'm there with her all day everyday. I will have a later post chronicling my Ecuadorian Mission Trip 2011....coming soon!
Let's see besides bill collectors calling me, student loans people riding my back, and the basic bills kicking me and my mom's butt life is pretty good. I just came back from my 5th mission trip. This was my 5th year going to Guayaquil Ecuador and as usual God really blessed me. I saw people that have become my distant family members and most importantly I saw my adopted Ecuadorian baby....Oh she is so beautiful and even though I only see her once a year she remembers me like I'm there with her all day everyday. I will have a later post chronicling my Ecuadorian Mission Trip 2011....coming soon!
I have some emotional issues that I am still dealing with and I am contemplating speaking with my Assistant Pastor about them. Every time I think about them I begin to cry (like right now as I'm typing this). I hide my tears and pain from everyone and its getting harder and harder to do so. I think being out of work had made my emotional problems worse in a way. It hurts so bad, but I must keep going....can't let this stop me. I really don't know why these feelings are breaking me down like this...I cry out to God, but the pain is so hard to get past...I cry until I'm out of breath or better yet until I'm hyperventilating sometimes. I would say that I'm so over this, but clearly I'm not because I can't stop crying!...I hate dealing with my issues, I hate crying about them, and I hate talking about them, but something has to be done because this is starting to consume me. I think I am seriously teetering on depression and I need to speak with someone that can help me because I am not claiming any type of depression. I absolutely refuse to do so!
Until later...be blessed.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
TORNADO ALLEY
That is exactly where my home was this past Saturday.....I know I have been away for a while. I haven't been in the mood to "write" or "talk"...however you want to put it....However the events that unfolded this past Saturday has completely changed that.
There were a series of sever thunderstorms that came in from the Midwest part of the country. These storms had already killed 9 people, I think, in Oklahoma. The crazy thing is that during the day Saturday I was on the phone with my best friend talking, the sun was shining, and it was feeling great outside. We had the door to our deck open getting some fresh air, then all of a sudden the sky starts getting dark. I do remember the news saying something about storms coming our way, but no one knew it would be this bad. I was on the phone with my friend for a good while. While talking to her I kept noticing the wind picking up and the rain getting harder. After we hung up, I started looking at the news and they had did a complete interruption of the current program. The weatherman was reporting how a tornado or tornadoes had gone through some counties south of me. I began to worry because I have family in those counties. The funny thing about this ordeal was that my mom was in her room watching the news while I was in the living room. The weatherman said that it was going to hit our area in 10 minutes and it was going got be hard and fast.
There were a series of sever thunderstorms that came in from the Midwest part of the country. These storms had already killed 9 people, I think, in Oklahoma. The crazy thing is that during the day Saturday I was on the phone with my best friend talking, the sun was shining, and it was feeling great outside. We had the door to our deck open getting some fresh air, then all of a sudden the sky starts getting dark. I do remember the news saying something about storms coming our way, but no one knew it would be this bad. I was on the phone with my friend for a good while. While talking to her I kept noticing the wind picking up and the rain getting harder. After we hung up, I started looking at the news and they had did a complete interruption of the current program. The weatherman was reporting how a tornado or tornadoes had gone through some counties south of me. I began to worry because I have family in those counties. The funny thing about this ordeal was that my mom was in her room watching the news while I was in the living room. The weatherman said that it was going to hit our area in 10 minutes and it was going got be hard and fast.
Right then my mom and I had the same thought. We need to get dressed and go take cover in her bathroom. We were moving like the wind through our place getting clothing, medication, laptops, and anything else we thought we may have needed. It was so crazy because as soon as we got everything together the power was going in and out. We finally make it into her bathroom and as soon as we do we hear trees snapping, wind blowing, debree hitting the building....I mean it was SCARY!! As soon as it all happened it was finished. Like any sever storm afterwards the sun comes out and the rain stops. We along with our neighbors look out back to see huge trees that now look like rubble, one huge tree missed our building by inches, the main road behind us was blocked with trees on both sides. It was a complete mess. The neighborhood grocery store was damaged as well as the neighborhood(s) behind it.
The damage was surreal....I mean my mom and I heard everything and felt everything but God spared our lives and the people of in our neighborhood. After everything was over...we had to make those phone calls to make sure everyone was safe. My sister-in-law was driving back from the country, but she made it home safely. My aunt and uncle's families were both okay...just no power. Now my cousin and her family lost everything!!! It was her, her husband, and their son. She told her husband that they should clean out the downstairs closet just in case.....well as soon as they cleaned out the closet they had to get in it...her husband went upstairs to get something and that's when he saw the funnel cloud. They got in the closet and next thing they knew they were outside with the house all around them. One of my friends said he didn't know anything about the storm and was in his truck when the tornado came, a huge oak tree was on his house. A family from my church had a tree come through their kitchen and to top everything my 70+ year old aunt was hospitalized with chest pains.
My area lost power at 3:45 Saturday and did not get power until mid day Wednesday. There was a lot of candle burning, flashlight using, and getting home before dark that took place these past few days........After everything unfolded 23 within our state lost their lives including 4 children under the age of 10....the mobile home park they stayed in was demolished. It was so sad because the adult with them lost her 2 children and the other two were her nephews....they had nowhere to go but in a closet and a 100 year old oak tree fell on them! One of the HBCUs here cancelled class for the rest of the semester due to sever damage sustained to the campus. After thinking about everything I just fell into the greatest praise thanking God for keeping all of my family. You don't realize how serious it is until you have time to reflect....and I mean my mom and I could have easily been taken away but God didn't pull our number yet.
Monday, March 7, 2011
RECAP....2011 HAS JUST BEGUN RIGHT!
So last time I was here I was speaking about my many situations since 2010 has ended and 2011 began. Well, for starters I lost my appeal for financial aid to continue graduate school. I have been looking for a private loan, but since I am still unemployed I cannot secure a loan. This means that I have to some how come up with almost $20,000 before March 9th.....if not I will be financially suspended from school...smh! I wish the situation had ended differently, but as the songstress put it "it ain't over until God says its over."....that I do believe.
I'm still unemployed...lol. Looking for a job is tiresome. I mean I have applied to so many places that it doesn't make any since. I know eventually something will come through for me in due time. Until then I will continue my search. However, I am tired of staying home all day everyday. I don't know how people do day in and day out! My goodness....that gets old. It was fine for the first few days, but after that I had a serious breakdown. I spent so many days crying and being depressed to the point where I almost lost myself. I still have my days, but they are more good than bad now. I am getting unemployment benefits so I have some income coming in, but I want an actual pay check and benefits! I thank God because it could all be worse than what it is. I must say my mother has been sticking by me and supporting me through all of this.
Lastly, I just had a distant uncle that passed away a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know all too well, but he is still family. It was a good service, but some of the people there were a trip. Since he, my mom, and my other aunts and uncles weren't that close.....his other side didn't know about them. So everyone was like "OH I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD ANY SISTERS!" I mean they kept saying it as if my mom and aunts were down there (he lived in the country part of NC) to get something. We came to pay our respects, support the serviving kids, and visit with the family. Them on the other had were there for the money-how do we know? The news is slowly making its way to us...ain't that a trip!....my uncle passed due to a number of medical complications that eventually took its toll on his body. On the heels of his death my aunt that lives in Michigan finally contacted us...we hadn't heard from her in almost a year. When she called she let us know that she was staying away due to her own medical complications. She has lupus, rhumetiod arthritis, and kidney troubles. This is a lot to handle and on top of that my mom's youngest brother at age 45 has been diagnosed with bone cancer. MAN....WE WERE BUILT FOR THIS....that is the only thing I can say to keep my family strong and to keep me from crying!!
Through all of this there is an upside. I am waking up everyday clothed in my right mind. I can give praises to God for all things and eventhough I am not working I have been blessed to pay for my missionary trip to Ecuador-this will be my 5th year in a row gowing....WOW GOD IS AMAZING!...If he can bless me in this capacity, I know he can bless me and the ones I love financially..that includes you all that are reading this....GOD BLESS AND STAY FOCUSED!
I'm still unemployed...lol. Looking for a job is tiresome. I mean I have applied to so many places that it doesn't make any since. I know eventually something will come through for me in due time. Until then I will continue my search. However, I am tired of staying home all day everyday. I don't know how people do day in and day out! My goodness....that gets old. It was fine for the first few days, but after that I had a serious breakdown. I spent so many days crying and being depressed to the point where I almost lost myself. I still have my days, but they are more good than bad now. I am getting unemployment benefits so I have some income coming in, but I want an actual pay check and benefits! I thank God because it could all be worse than what it is. I must say my mother has been sticking by me and supporting me through all of this.
Lastly, I just had a distant uncle that passed away a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know all too well, but he is still family. It was a good service, but some of the people there were a trip. Since he, my mom, and my other aunts and uncles weren't that close.....his other side didn't know about them. So everyone was like "OH I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD ANY SISTERS!" I mean they kept saying it as if my mom and aunts were down there (he lived in the country part of NC) to get something. We came to pay our respects, support the serviving kids, and visit with the family. Them on the other had were there for the money-how do we know? The news is slowly making its way to us...ain't that a trip!....my uncle passed due to a number of medical complications that eventually took its toll on his body. On the heels of his death my aunt that lives in Michigan finally contacted us...we hadn't heard from her in almost a year. When she called she let us know that she was staying away due to her own medical complications. She has lupus, rhumetiod arthritis, and kidney troubles. This is a lot to handle and on top of that my mom's youngest brother at age 45 has been diagnosed with bone cancer. MAN....WE WERE BUILT FOR THIS....that is the only thing I can say to keep my family strong and to keep me from crying!!
Through all of this there is an upside. I am waking up everyday clothed in my right mind. I can give praises to God for all things and eventhough I am not working I have been blessed to pay for my missionary trip to Ecuador-this will be my 5th year in a row gowing....WOW GOD IS AMAZING!...If he can bless me in this capacity, I know he can bless me and the ones I love financially..that includes you all that are reading this....GOD BLESS AND STAY FOCUSED!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Have You Ever Ever Ever In Your Long Legged Life??
Okay, I'm not sure how to start this but here it goes...last week a church member passed away. He was killed by way of getting hit by a school bus. The entire story is so sad because it was a sudden death that was truly a mistake. From the stories going around the guy was riding a bicycle and road into traffic (thinking he could beat it). With that being said he was hit by the front of the bus, drugged up under the front wheel and stuck up under the bus. He succumbed to his injuries at the hospital. The deceased was a very kind hearted man. He was so full of life and loved the Lord as well as his family. Now his funeral was today. This is where things get interesting....
For starters the funeral was not held at our church, it was held at another church (his family decided that). This church was too small for the home going service, secondly the people...oh my goodness the people...!!...I have never seen people act in such an unprofessional and improper manner at a funeral. This was my first and Lord willing my last time attending a GHETTO funeral. The people came in talking loud, laughing, carrying on unnecessary conversations, and just being disrespectful to the deceased and his family. I mean I have never seen such actions. There were these two women behind me, my mother, and a few more of our church members. These two women carried on as if they were at home. Talking about getting their hair done, buying hot curlers, and eating candy. This one lady had the audacity to eat a GREEN LOLLIPOP! While the family was marching in, they continued to talk....wooo working my last nerve. This was the most ghetto funeral I've ever been too...These grown women were so disrespectful to the funeral service! It seems like every person that came in didn't know how to leave all ghetto tendencies at home. Whenever someone mentioned that area that the deceased grew up in the women behind me felt the need to shout it out like they were at a club or ghetto event talkin' bout..."THAT'S RIGHT...LANE STREET REPRESENT!!...WHAT WHAT!" I wanted to turn around and SHUT UP GHETTO BROAD, but I know One: that isn't Christ like and Two: It would have been disrespectful to the family. By the time this service was over...I was beside myself at how these people had carried on. My mother and other church members were in a state of disbelief as well at the actions of those that carried on in such an improper way.....
There are some other ghetto instances such as this man coming in wearing a fake rabbit white fur coat....looking a hot behind mess (of course the ghetto crew behind me had to laugh and say something)....it became standing room only at one point and the people didn't not want to go to the fellowship hall where the church was holding the overflow of people....the less dignified did not know how to leave orderly or quietly....so I ask the question again..have you ever ever ever in your long legged life....seen such or heard of such foolery at a funeral???
For starters the funeral was not held at our church, it was held at another church (his family decided that). This church was too small for the home going service, secondly the people...oh my goodness the people...!!...I have never seen people act in such an unprofessional and improper manner at a funeral. This was my first and Lord willing my last time attending a GHETTO funeral. The people came in talking loud, laughing, carrying on unnecessary conversations, and just being disrespectful to the deceased and his family. I mean I have never seen such actions. There were these two women behind me, my mother, and a few more of our church members. These two women carried on as if they were at home. Talking about getting their hair done, buying hot curlers, and eating candy. This one lady had the audacity to eat a GREEN LOLLIPOP! While the family was marching in, they continued to talk....wooo working my last nerve. This was the most ghetto funeral I've ever been too...These grown women were so disrespectful to the funeral service! It seems like every person that came in didn't know how to leave all ghetto tendencies at home. Whenever someone mentioned that area that the deceased grew up in the women behind me felt the need to shout it out like they were at a club or ghetto event talkin' bout..."THAT'S RIGHT...LANE STREET REPRESENT!!...WHAT WHAT!" I wanted to turn around and SHUT UP GHETTO BROAD, but I know One: that isn't Christ like and Two: It would have been disrespectful to the family. By the time this service was over...I was beside myself at how these people had carried on. My mother and other church members were in a state of disbelief as well at the actions of those that carried on in such an improper way.....
There are some other ghetto instances such as this man coming in wearing a fake rabbit white fur coat....looking a hot behind mess (of course the ghetto crew behind me had to laugh and say something)....it became standing room only at one point and the people didn't not want to go to the fellowship hall where the church was holding the overflow of people....the less dignified did not know how to leave orderly or quietly....so I ask the question again..have you ever ever ever in your long legged life....seen such or heard of such foolery at a funeral???
Sunday, January 23, 2011
That Same Ol' Feelin'...AND IT DONT FEEL GOOD!!
I don't know what it is but every time i see a movie about a love story I start getting that same old feeling. Why is it that I can never seem to find love? I don't mean a lustful type of love, but the kind of love that can only be found when fed with the love of God. I'm patiently waiting for God to send me the man that he has created especially for me, however, the wait has become long and hurtful. I'm tired of people asking me if I'm seeing anyone and having to reply "no." I mean, its hard not having a companion, but its even harder having to be faithful to God and to not move before him.....I'm just gonna end this post. I have too many thoughts that aren't coming out clearly. Maybe I will come back to finish this one at a later date. Like I said before I have that same ol' feelin' and it won't let me go on any further
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
So Long 2010
2010 in the beginning was a great year for me. There were a few bumps along the road but for the most part everything was wonderful until the half way point.
It seems like as soon and June came in my year began to spiral. I had the resurgence of my father and that went on for about 2 months. I posted a letter to my father entitled "Waging War and Father Can You Hear Me?". That summed up everything that I have gone through with that man. Well, him trying to come back into my life (only to lie again which I wasn't fooled by) with surrounding situations caused me to have a serious nervous breakdown. Oh and to top everything off I began having some medical complications with me passing blood clots for some unkown reason.....eventually was resolved some months later!
My job situation was an ongoing thing. Its really hard to go into work everyday knowing that you are not being appreciated and that you have people watching and waiting to back stab you. The presence of EVIL was in that place HARD. I tried to maintain my position and not let anyone there break me. There were a few times when I wanted to just break out and let every underhanded person in that place have it, but God kept my mouth shut.
October came and went. During this time my mom I were going (still going) through some tough financial struggles. Seems like bills are always on the menu. Then on November 1 at 1:20pm my supervisor came to me to inform me that my time was up and that they would be laying me off!!! Of course she knew this ahead of time but waited until the last minuet to inform me. This lady has held me back from a number of positions that I know I was qualified for, but that is okay b/c God's favor is upon my life. Well, prior to me being laid off I found a cyst in one of most personal areas of my body. I was treated at my doctor and the next week is when I was laid off. November 7 was my birthday and during a that time another cyst formed....we're all adults here...both cysts were in my vagina area....the second one was right about the "sweet spot!" I again went to the doctor, she didn't know what it was so emergency surgery was needed. I went to the doctor on Tuesday..Wednesday morning I was called and told to be at Rex Surgical at 2pm so my procedure could be done at 2:30pm. Had the procedure only to be rushed to the ER the next night. Man, there was a battery of test performed from and EKG to a nuclear lung scan!!!
So now I'm unemployed (still), in pain, can't walk, getting vertigo from my medication, and now failing school because of my medical complications (currently going through and Financial Aid Academic Appeal as I type this)....WHAT A WAY TO END THE YEAR!! I'm pain free know,but I have some mountains to climb! That's okay because with every mountain there is a peak that can be reached and over that peak is my VICTORY and yours too if you believe! I can't dwell on my issues and trust there are too many right now, but God is my source, guide, and my Redeemer!
Well I give thanks anyway because I could not even be here. I could be dead mentally and physically. I've been battle tested and proven to win! There is nothing that can knock me down. Everything that happens is due in God's will.
I'm ready for 2011....I believing in elevation on every level. I speak over myself the positive and blessings over my life. I know if God had kept me this far....there must be something special for me at the finish line...God Bless everyone, see you in 2011, and know that even if I don't know you I still love you as God loves me!
It seems like as soon and June came in my year began to spiral. I had the resurgence of my father and that went on for about 2 months. I posted a letter to my father entitled "Waging War and Father Can You Hear Me?". That summed up everything that I have gone through with that man. Well, him trying to come back into my life (only to lie again which I wasn't fooled by) with surrounding situations caused me to have a serious nervous breakdown. Oh and to top everything off I began having some medical complications with me passing blood clots for some unkown reason.....eventually was resolved some months later!
My job situation was an ongoing thing. Its really hard to go into work everyday knowing that you are not being appreciated and that you have people watching and waiting to back stab you. The presence of EVIL was in that place HARD. I tried to maintain my position and not let anyone there break me. There were a few times when I wanted to just break out and let every underhanded person in that place have it, but God kept my mouth shut.
October came and went. During this time my mom I were going (still going) through some tough financial struggles. Seems like bills are always on the menu. Then on November 1 at 1:20pm my supervisor came to me to inform me that my time was up and that they would be laying me off!!! Of course she knew this ahead of time but waited until the last minuet to inform me. This lady has held me back from a number of positions that I know I was qualified for, but that is okay b/c God's favor is upon my life. Well, prior to me being laid off I found a cyst in one of most personal areas of my body. I was treated at my doctor and the next week is when I was laid off. November 7 was my birthday and during a that time another cyst formed....we're all adults here...both cysts were in my vagina area....the second one was right about the "sweet spot!" I again went to the doctor, she didn't know what it was so emergency surgery was needed. I went to the doctor on Tuesday..Wednesday morning I was called and told to be at Rex Surgical at 2pm so my procedure could be done at 2:30pm. Had the procedure only to be rushed to the ER the next night. Man, there was a battery of test performed from and EKG to a nuclear lung scan!!!
So now I'm unemployed (still), in pain, can't walk, getting vertigo from my medication, and now failing school because of my medical complications (currently going through and Financial Aid Academic Appeal as I type this)....WHAT A WAY TO END THE YEAR!! I'm pain free know,but I have some mountains to climb! That's okay because with every mountain there is a peak that can be reached and over that peak is my VICTORY and yours too if you believe! I can't dwell on my issues and trust there are too many right now, but God is my source, guide, and my Redeemer!
Well I give thanks anyway because I could not even be here. I could be dead mentally and physically. I've been battle tested and proven to win! There is nothing that can knock me down. Everything that happens is due in God's will.
I'm ready for 2011....I believing in elevation on every level. I speak over myself the positive and blessings over my life. I know if God had kept me this far....there must be something special for me at the finish line...God Bless everyone, see you in 2011, and know that even if I don't know you I still love you as God loves me!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Always In The Mood
I'm always in the mood to be inspired either by music, books, poetry, or people. Right now I have my music playlist on some the most inspiring gospel music (in my opinion) right now.
My favorite songs:
Vashawn Mitchell: Nobody Greater
Earnest Pugh: Rain on Us
Brian Courtney Wilson: All I Need and Already Here
Donald Lawrence: Back to Eden
Yolanda Adams: In the Midst of it All, Be Blessed, and The Battle is Not Yours
Vickie Winans: The Rainbow
Bishop Paul S. Morton and Choir: How Great Is Our God
Maurette Brown-Clark: Breaking of Day
Douglas Miller: My Soul Has Been Anchored In The Lord
Martha Munizzi: Because of Who You Are
My favorite writers: (not including too much fiction writers)
Nikki Giovanni
Mya Angelou
Cornell West
Tavis Smiley
Joyce Meyers
Sistah Souljah
My favorite Speakers (most are spiritual leaders):
My own Pastor and Assistant Pastor
Paula White
Joel Osteen
Pastor Jamal Bryant
Joyce Meyers
Cornell West
These were very short lists...if you have any suggestions spiritually based or not please feel free to share. I'm always in the mood for something new to inspire me.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
ONLY ME
Been busy as of last couple of months. Had some personal issues to resolve as well as grad school taking up my time. Finally, I have what seems like a milli-second to come here and post something. Well...here I am and here it is...
For the last couple of days it has been rainy and muggy out. With having no car and my mom's car being in the shop I have to ride the bus to work. Now, that doesn't bother me b/c nothing remotely interesting ever happens on my way to and from work. However this past Monday proved to be a little different. It began raining on Sunday evening and went on throughout the night..including us losing power for like 3 hours. Well I woke up Monday morning, LATE, and had to rush to the bus stop. Now to give a time frame this is what it was looking like.
Got up at 7:15....I usually catch the 7:21 bus..that didn't happen
Took bath and was out of the bathroom by 7:35
Got dressed by 7:40
Put wig on by 7:42
Left the house at 7:43
...it is an 8 minute walk from my house to the bus stop the bus comes at 7:52...
At 7:48 I am a block away from the bus stop...what do I see turning the corner..THE BUS
That bad boy came 4 minutes early...Now I had to wait until 8:21 for the next bus...IN THE RAIN!!
By this time car after car after car has passed me with every person giving me that "sad, oh, she's in the rain face.." Next thing I know...a car passes me, backs up and all I hear is "Are you going Downtown?" I yell "Yes Sir!" Now usually I would never step foot into the car of a strange man, but it was raining, I was getting wet (with an umbrella), and a mosquito had just bit me! So, I hopped my behind right into that car! He was a small framed man with glasses, so I figured if anything went down him and his little car would be tore up by your's truly!! Let's just say the ride was eventful for the 15 minutes that I was in there. This man cursed with ever other word he said, dug up his nose, made a phone call..while cursing, and asked for my phone number after getting me to work. I was not amused. To show my appreciation, I sent him a text the next day saying thank you it was nice, neat, and to the point. He didn't respond and I didn't think anything of it. That was until 5pm when he called me wanting to talk!! From our conversation he told me that he was divorced with 3 children the oldest being 22, 15, and 9....I promptly told I was 26! Not to mention he is a year younger than my mother (he is 48). I then told him I had an older brother! He kept dishing hints of "us" hanging out---"NOT HAPPNIN" He then goes on to talk about how he used to have a six pack and how he isn't in bad shape now and would show one day---EEERRR NOT HAPPNIN!!
How and why do I get the oldies and crazies...do I have a magnet or something?
For the last couple of days it has been rainy and muggy out. With having no car and my mom's car being in the shop I have to ride the bus to work. Now, that doesn't bother me b/c nothing remotely interesting ever happens on my way to and from work. However this past Monday proved to be a little different. It began raining on Sunday evening and went on throughout the night..including us losing power for like 3 hours. Well I woke up Monday morning, LATE, and had to rush to the bus stop. Now to give a time frame this is what it was looking like.
Got up at 7:15....I usually catch the 7:21 bus..that didn't happen
Took bath and was out of the bathroom by 7:35
Got dressed by 7:40
Put wig on by 7:42
Left the house at 7:43
...it is an 8 minute walk from my house to the bus stop the bus comes at 7:52...
At 7:48 I am a block away from the bus stop...what do I see turning the corner..THE BUS
That bad boy came 4 minutes early...Now I had to wait until 8:21 for the next bus...IN THE RAIN!!
By this time car after car after car has passed me with every person giving me that "sad, oh, she's in the rain face.." Next thing I know...a car passes me, backs up and all I hear is "Are you going Downtown?" I yell "Yes Sir!" Now usually I would never step foot into the car of a strange man, but it was raining, I was getting wet (with an umbrella), and a mosquito had just bit me! So, I hopped my behind right into that car! He was a small framed man with glasses, so I figured if anything went down him and his little car would be tore up by your's truly!! Let's just say the ride was eventful for the 15 minutes that I was in there. This man cursed with ever other word he said, dug up his nose, made a phone call..while cursing, and asked for my phone number after getting me to work. I was not amused. To show my appreciation, I sent him a text the next day saying thank you it was nice, neat, and to the point. He didn't respond and I didn't think anything of it. That was until 5pm when he called me wanting to talk!! From our conversation he told me that he was divorced with 3 children the oldest being 22, 15, and 9....I promptly told I was 26! Not to mention he is a year younger than my mother (he is 48). I then told him I had an older brother! He kept dishing hints of "us" hanging out---"NOT HAPPNIN" He then goes on to talk about how he used to have a six pack and how he isn't in bad shape now and would show one day---EEERRR NOT HAPPNIN!!
How and why do I get the oldies and crazies...do I have a magnet or something?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
In My Mind
Before I go into this post I have to shout out all of my fellow missionaries!! We just got back from Guayaquil, Ecuador. This was my fourth year in a row going and every year God never seems to do less than what we expect him to do. His power is so amazing and it is a true blessing to be an actual witness to what he can do in the lives of those that sincerely want to know him. I will have a post about my trip (it may be in several parts), but there will be one coming soon with pictures.
Okay, on to my post....I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but I am going to put out some things about me that only take place in my mind!...no I'm not crazy this is just another pit stop to helping me find my destination....IN MY MIND
I am a size 12 instead my actual size 26
I can sing
I can break dance...I'm the illest b-girl
I have an actual career
I have my dream car
I have my dream house
I'm not as shy as I am in reality
I don't have any body image problems
I'm the baddest chic you'll ever meet...at times
I have a sexier demeanor about me
I am with the man that God has designed for me....and he loves me
I have a 4.0 in grad school
This is only a short list, but when I take a look at it, it goes deeper for me. Some of this can be my reality if I stay focused on God and my own well being. 6 months to a year from now I will revisit this list and see which of them will be the truth for me...until then IN MY MIND they will be.
Okay, on to my post....I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but I am going to put out some things about me that only take place in my mind!...no I'm not crazy this is just another pit stop to helping me find my destination....IN MY MIND
I am a size 12 instead my actual size 26
I can sing
I can break dance...I'm the illest b-girl
I have an actual career
I have my dream car
I have my dream house
I'm not as shy as I am in reality
I don't have any body image problems
I'm the baddest chic you'll ever meet...at times
I have a sexier demeanor about me
I am with the man that God has designed for me....and he loves me
I have a 4.0 in grad school
This is only a short list, but when I take a look at it, it goes deeper for me. Some of this can be my reality if I stay focused on God and my own well being. 6 months to a year from now I will revisit this list and see which of them will be the truth for me...until then IN MY MIND they will be.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
IN THE MAKING
I am a blessing in the making:
God has given me the tools to become a blessing. Whether it is to myself or to those around me I am a blessing in the making. God's rewards on earth are mine (and yours) for the taking. The only thing is that we have to earn them. God will never hand us a victory or a blessing we have to earn them. Its not enough to say "Yes, I believe or Yes, I will follow." We have to live by example(s) as well. Don't judge me by the way that I dress, walk, speak, or look. Instead judge me by the way that I praise. Giving praise and worship to God is one of the highest acknowledgements of his existence. You see we can't hide from him nor can we run, but we can submit willing and forcefully. If we don't kneel down before him he will put us in a position were that (kneeling) will be the only option. God is not some man on the street that can be overlooked with little disregard. Instead he is a forceful, loving, all-knowing power that will take you were you need to be in any given moment in life. We may not always be were we want to be, but God has us were we need to be and it is up to us to see the blessing(s) behind that.
We all have different walks of life that we must follow. We will all answer to God at different times in our lives, when, that is left up to him. Being a blessing to someone is not about being perfect, or striving for perfection---that will never be humanly possible. Perfection is resting on the throne and we follow his footsteps. He set a path for each and every one of us. It is going to take some longer than others to follow that path, but in the end submission will happen. Being a blessing to others is not always about giving tangible items. Being happy for your brother or sister in the midst of their blessing can actually bless you! You may not see it and you may not understand it, but in the end God will reveal it to you. If you have dreams that you know are based on God's word and anointing speak them into existence because your dreams are only a visualization of the victories that await you. God will never not bless his people remember he wants to bless us.
It has taken me a while and I am still learning, but being were I want to be is not were God needs for me to be right now. See giving us everything we want will only spoil us. He will consider us for certain circumstances. He knows which one of us will be the strongest to withstand that is why we are given certain battles to fight. The battle we fight will never end in a loss. Why, because we were already given the victory. However, we must fight, praise, and pray in the midst of to show God that we do believe in his power. God will never put us through a battle to lose and be taken out. He will put us through so that we can see just how powerful he is and to see how quick we will call and allow him to operate in our going-through. Remember you are a blessing in the making!
God is real, God is love, God is here. Be a blessing to someone because you never know that person may in turn bless you!!
God has given me the tools to become a blessing. Whether it is to myself or to those around me I am a blessing in the making. God's rewards on earth are mine (and yours) for the taking. The only thing is that we have to earn them. God will never hand us a victory or a blessing we have to earn them. Its not enough to say "Yes, I believe or Yes, I will follow." We have to live by example(s) as well. Don't judge me by the way that I dress, walk, speak, or look. Instead judge me by the way that I praise. Giving praise and worship to God is one of the highest acknowledgements of his existence. You see we can't hide from him nor can we run, but we can submit willing and forcefully. If we don't kneel down before him he will put us in a position were that (kneeling) will be the only option. God is not some man on the street that can be overlooked with little disregard. Instead he is a forceful, loving, all-knowing power that will take you were you need to be in any given moment in life. We may not always be were we want to be, but God has us were we need to be and it is up to us to see the blessing(s) behind that.
We all have different walks of life that we must follow. We will all answer to God at different times in our lives, when, that is left up to him. Being a blessing to someone is not about being perfect, or striving for perfection---that will never be humanly possible. Perfection is resting on the throne and we follow his footsteps. He set a path for each and every one of us. It is going to take some longer than others to follow that path, but in the end submission will happen. Being a blessing to others is not always about giving tangible items. Being happy for your brother or sister in the midst of their blessing can actually bless you! You may not see it and you may not understand it, but in the end God will reveal it to you. If you have dreams that you know are based on God's word and anointing speak them into existence because your dreams are only a visualization of the victories that await you. God will never not bless his people remember he wants to bless us.
It has taken me a while and I am still learning, but being were I want to be is not were God needs for me to be right now. See giving us everything we want will only spoil us. He will consider us for certain circumstances. He knows which one of us will be the strongest to withstand that is why we are given certain battles to fight. The battle we fight will never end in a loss. Why, because we were already given the victory. However, we must fight, praise, and pray in the midst of to show God that we do believe in his power. God will never put us through a battle to lose and be taken out. He will put us through so that we can see just how powerful he is and to see how quick we will call and allow him to operate in our going-through. Remember you are a blessing in the making!
God is real, God is love, God is here. Be a blessing to someone because you never know that person may in turn bless you!!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I Wouldn't Blame You!!
If no one came back to my blog and quit following me I wouldn't blame you...my slack behind. I know this is going to seem really random because my last post was like 2 months ago and I was going on about how I was be posting more etc etc...
Well, graduate school kicked in and I had work coming from every spot imaginable. Found out my youngest uncle has bone cancer at age 44...To top everything off my mother had medical issues, her crappy work insurance wouldn't pay for a surgery that she needs, my job is giving the run-around, and my sperm donor...oopps father decided he wanted to step back into my life...
****INSERT NERVOUS BREAKDOWN HERE****
My grades this quarter ended up dropping due to all of the stress that flooded my life and situations have not gotten any better, well they have some what, but.....
my father is trying to get back into my life, but right now I am not feeling him. I have forgiven him, but the people around seem to think that b/c that has happened I should want to be around him NOT!! No one is understanding that and makes it very difficult for me to process everything. My mother insist on bringing him to our house without asking me which pisses me off something seriously and royally....and had the nerve to let the negro spend the night twice without asking. The second time I asked if he was staying she said no and the bastard did anyway--so much for my feelings!!! My brother has given me some good advice and understands that it is going to have to happen when I am ready (for the relationship to take place). My mom keeps saying don't wait too late b/c some people don't get this kind of chance. I know that and its true, but this man has had more than one second chance to get it right. I'm 26 (turn 27 in November)...from the time I could remember he's had plenty of chances, now things will have to happen on my terms and time.
I'm not bitter, hurt yes, mad not anymore...well I was for the past two weeks b/c my feelings were not taken into consideration. I got so mad that I just shut down and didn't say anything to anyone. If I said something it was one word answers with a sharp tone. I finally spoke with my mom and I still don't think she fully understands were I am coming from. This is a messy situation that is only complicated by the fact that this man wants to get back together with my mother and I am not stupid I see her falling back for him. She is grown and I can't control that so I just keep my mouth shut and go about my business. This is the time, now more than ever for me to get my own place b/c I'm not ready to be around him and have him over for dinner like we're a happy family!!.....Only God and time will fix this....
The final shot to my mixed up world right now is that I have been on my monthly cycle for two weeks!! I have very irregular cycles and take birth control pills to regulate it. However, having a temporary job position means no benefits, which means no doctor, which means no regular prescription. If I go to the doctor I have to pay out of pocket (-$$$) and the cost of the meds is crucial!!!....this could be stressed induced from everything else, but it can also be coming from my condition Polycysitc Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I was diagnosed with this when I was about 16. I got my first cycle at age 9 or 10. Had it every month for a year, had once the next year, skipped it during the ages of 12-15 (well spotting occurred every now and then), and finally was diagnosed at 16....
Thank God for Salvation cause a chic would have lost it a long time ago with everything that has been going on right now!!
Well, graduate school kicked in and I had work coming from every spot imaginable. Found out my youngest uncle has bone cancer at age 44...To top everything off my mother had medical issues, her crappy work insurance wouldn't pay for a surgery that she needs, my job is giving the run-around, and my sperm donor...oopps father decided he wanted to step back into my life...
****INSERT NERVOUS BREAKDOWN HERE****
My grades this quarter ended up dropping due to all of the stress that flooded my life and situations have not gotten any better, well they have some what, but.....
my father is trying to get back into my life, but right now I am not feeling him. I have forgiven him, but the people around seem to think that b/c that has happened I should want to be around him NOT!! No one is understanding that and makes it very difficult for me to process everything. My mother insist on bringing him to our house without asking me which pisses me off something seriously and royally....and had the nerve to let the negro spend the night twice without asking. The second time I asked if he was staying she said no and the bastard did anyway--so much for my feelings!!! My brother has given me some good advice and understands that it is going to have to happen when I am ready (for the relationship to take place). My mom keeps saying don't wait too late b/c some people don't get this kind of chance. I know that and its true, but this man has had more than one second chance to get it right. I'm 26 (turn 27 in November)...from the time I could remember he's had plenty of chances, now things will have to happen on my terms and time.
I'm not bitter, hurt yes, mad not anymore...well I was for the past two weeks b/c my feelings were not taken into consideration. I got so mad that I just shut down and didn't say anything to anyone. If I said something it was one word answers with a sharp tone. I finally spoke with my mom and I still don't think she fully understands were I am coming from. This is a messy situation that is only complicated by the fact that this man wants to get back together with my mother and I am not stupid I see her falling back for him. She is grown and I can't control that so I just keep my mouth shut and go about my business. This is the time, now more than ever for me to get my own place b/c I'm not ready to be around him and have him over for dinner like we're a happy family!!.....Only God and time will fix this....
The final shot to my mixed up world right now is that I have been on my monthly cycle for two weeks!! I have very irregular cycles and take birth control pills to regulate it. However, having a temporary job position means no benefits, which means no doctor, which means no regular prescription. If I go to the doctor I have to pay out of pocket (-$$$) and the cost of the meds is crucial!!!....this could be stressed induced from everything else, but it can also be coming from my condition Polycysitc Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I was diagnosed with this when I was about 16. I got my first cycle at age 9 or 10. Had it every month for a year, had once the next year, skipped it during the ages of 12-15 (well spotting occurred every now and then), and finally was diagnosed at 16....
Thank God for Salvation cause a chic would have lost it a long time ago with everything that has been going on right now!!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Okay! Can U Say Renege...????
I feel like I have been playing a game of spades for the past few months. I know I came by here saying how I would be posting regularly...Well your girl has been in school since December and it has been kicking my behind big time. Between school, work, and personal issues I have been one busy chic. I just finished my first quarter of graduate school and your girl has a 3.0 GPA!!!---GO ME GO ME GO ME!!...let me stop.
Now how have all of you been? I trust that life has been treating you all very kind. I must say that God has blessed me to make it through some difficult situations and he is seeing me through one right now---HE WILL SHOW HIS GLORY!! I must say that coming here and writing is such a release of pressure for me. I am growing distant from someone that is really close to me, and only God knows how this is going to end. I don't know...I am starting to view things differently. I know it is me growing closer to God and me coming into my own grown-woman status...lol..
I guess this is my second step..now I don't know when the third will be, but hmmm I am not going to make empty promises and become a habitual reneger...I have a lot more to discuss, but I have to get back to my homework...Love all of you with the Love of the Lord--and that is true!!!...More to come!
Now how have all of you been? I trust that life has been treating you all very kind. I must say that God has blessed me to make it through some difficult situations and he is seeing me through one right now---HE WILL SHOW HIS GLORY!! I must say that coming here and writing is such a release of pressure for me. I am growing distant from someone that is really close to me, and only God knows how this is going to end. I don't know...I am starting to view things differently. I know it is me growing closer to God and me coming into my own grown-woman status...lol..
I guess this is my second step..now I don't know when the third will be, but hmmm I am not going to make empty promises and become a habitual reneger...I have a lot more to discuss, but I have to get back to my homework...Love all of you with the Love of the Lord--and that is true!!!...More to come!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
S.O.S..Same Old Sssshhhhh...ttttt!..with a side of mystery sauce!
When I first started this blog I had every intention on posting something everyday, week, and month. Well some how my focused changed, my love for writing changed, shoot I don't even have an excuse. So while I'm in the middle of homework--I've decided to put my procrastination aside and put something out here.
I really haven't visited the other sites that I used to frequent. I miss them so much. It has been what---2 months since my last post. Somethings have changed for me for one I am now in school getting my master's degree--2 snaps for me!! I will be the first in my family to receive such an honor. Other than going to school there really hasn't been anything new in my life. However, my friends, of course keep me entertained for days on end with there drama. Where should I start?
Best Friend:
She is done with that "chic" and is now talking to her ex-boyfriend again. You know the same one that had her spazzing out on the phone with me. Your boy has some serious issues and she does too. I don't know what to say about this one. He needs someone to be there for him cause his family isn't but I don't think it is healthy for her to be that person he leans on. Maybe its just me but I see the cycle of them going through pain and pleasure all over again. Only time will tell what happens and I will inform you all about it.
Co-Worker:
Now this female is seeing has been seeing this lazy, ignorant, piece of a man for over a year now. He half way works, has no respect for her, and is married--which he lied about. Now when she found out he was married his wife told her...How you may ask? Get this his wife contacted my friend via FACEBOOK!!!.....I was on complete mute when that happened...all you could hear in my head was *crickets singing*....they have gone through some more stuff, but my issue with her is that she keeps saying she is tired of him. She can't be too tired cause they have moved twice since being together--with her paying for everything during both moves. From the things she has told me about this dude--I DON'T TRUST HIM!!...She said she planned to leave him on Dec. 31st well that day has come and gone and he is still there. Well it is Jan. 7 and she hasn't been to work in 2 days. I don't know what is going on, but I'm not going to jump to any conclusions. All I know is, if this girl does not come to work tomorrow I will be calling her. If she doesn't call, text, or hit me up on facebook...suspect #1 will be getting a knock at the door from the police!! I just have a gut feeling that if she tries to leave him he will go crazy. I know one time she was going to leave him. She had found a place for her and her kids (none of them his). Everything was in order and when it was time for her to move she got mysteriously sick...I mean hospital sick--seizure and all. I think ol' dude put something in her food cause he is the only one that cooks in the house.....Jeenkies Shaggy I Smell A Mystery!!!!...I will inform you on what happens later.
Oh for the few follower that I do have thanks for not removing yourself and for the new one I noticed...thanks!!! I won't be gone for too long this time--I Promise!!
I really haven't visited the other sites that I used to frequent. I miss them so much. It has been what---2 months since my last post. Somethings have changed for me for one I am now in school getting my master's degree--2 snaps for me!! I will be the first in my family to receive such an honor. Other than going to school there really hasn't been anything new in my life. However, my friends, of course keep me entertained for days on end with there drama. Where should I start?
Best Friend:
She is done with that "chic" and is now talking to her ex-boyfriend again. You know the same one that had her spazzing out on the phone with me. Your boy has some serious issues and she does too. I don't know what to say about this one. He needs someone to be there for him cause his family isn't but I don't think it is healthy for her to be that person he leans on. Maybe its just me but I see the cycle of them going through pain and pleasure all over again. Only time will tell what happens and I will inform you all about it.
Co-Worker:
Now this female is seeing has been seeing this lazy, ignorant, piece of a man for over a year now. He half way works, has no respect for her, and is married--which he lied about. Now when she found out he was married his wife told her...How you may ask? Get this his wife contacted my friend via FACEBOOK!!!.....I was on complete mute when that happened...all you could hear in my head was *crickets singing*....they have gone through some more stuff, but my issue with her is that she keeps saying she is tired of him. She can't be too tired cause they have moved twice since being together--with her paying for everything during both moves. From the things she has told me about this dude--I DON'T TRUST HIM!!...She said she planned to leave him on Dec. 31st well that day has come and gone and he is still there. Well it is Jan. 7 and she hasn't been to work in 2 days. I don't know what is going on, but I'm not going to jump to any conclusions. All I know is, if this girl does not come to work tomorrow I will be calling her. If she doesn't call, text, or hit me up on facebook...suspect #1 will be getting a knock at the door from the police!! I just have a gut feeling that if she tries to leave him he will go crazy. I know one time she was going to leave him. She had found a place for her and her kids (none of them his). Everything was in order and when it was time for her to move she got mysteriously sick...I mean hospital sick--seizure and all. I think ol' dude put something in her food cause he is the only one that cooks in the house.....Jeenkies Shaggy I Smell A Mystery!!!!...I will inform you on what happens later.
Oh for the few follower that I do have thanks for not removing yourself and for the new one I noticed...thanks!!! I won't be gone for too long this time--I Promise!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Okay...So now I'm a lesbian AGAIN!!!
Lol...Woooo!! This is that what popped into my head when best friend told me that she was liking this female. Oh my goodness!......OH SNAP...WAIT A MINUTE!
I'm sorry I know its been a while since I've been here! Been too busy and had too many distractions, but now a chic is focused...okay back to my story!
My birthday was earlier this month and I went to visit my best friend for the weekend. I can honestly say that we are going in two different directions with our lives. She is still in party mode and I am ready to be the Christian God has called me to be. However, we managed to meet in the middle and have a good time. Let me tell you, I love her like a sister, but she is a puff and a drink away from being some type of an addict. She was always a drinker, but would never drink to get drunk now she is drinking and not knowing how much money she spent at the bar. She now drinks to get drunk...SO LAME--before someone goes in on me--I've told her that was lame.
Well she has just broken up with a boyfriend that was less than perfect and in the end only cared about himself. There were plenty of nights were she would call me at 1am crying about how he doesn't care. There were also plenty of nights were I would tell her she needs to put herself first and stop losing herself in relationships, but she didn't listen until it was too late...
Now she is liking this female...her liking females is nothing new b/c when we were in undergrad together she was dating a female and I was put in between each and one of their many problems....WHY ME!!!....she said after that relationship was over she wouldn't date any other female...LIE!...I guess one would have to know my friend in order to know why I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed b/c I know exactly were this relationship will go and who will once again be stressed! I just want to yell "love yourself enough to know that being in a relationship right now is not healthy...get to know yourself!" She talks a good game, but can never live up to it....so now she is not liking men anymore. Now she's back to women!!! Nothing but flip flopping and back switching going on here!!
I'm sorry I know its been a while since I've been here! Been too busy and had too many distractions, but now a chic is focused...okay back to my story!
My birthday was earlier this month and I went to visit my best friend for the weekend. I can honestly say that we are going in two different directions with our lives. She is still in party mode and I am ready to be the Christian God has called me to be. However, we managed to meet in the middle and have a good time. Let me tell you, I love her like a sister, but she is a puff and a drink away from being some type of an addict. She was always a drinker, but would never drink to get drunk now she is drinking and not knowing how much money she spent at the bar. She now drinks to get drunk...SO LAME--before someone goes in on me--I've told her that was lame.
Well she has just broken up with a boyfriend that was less than perfect and in the end only cared about himself. There were plenty of nights were she would call me at 1am crying about how he doesn't care. There were also plenty of nights were I would tell her she needs to put herself first and stop losing herself in relationships, but she didn't listen until it was too late...
Now she is liking this female...her liking females is nothing new b/c when we were in undergrad together she was dating a female and I was put in between each and one of their many problems....WHY ME!!!....she said after that relationship was over she wouldn't date any other female...LIE!...I guess one would have to know my friend in order to know why I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed b/c I know exactly were this relationship will go and who will once again be stressed! I just want to yell "love yourself enough to know that being in a relationship right now is not healthy...get to know yourself!" She talks a good game, but can never live up to it....so now she is not liking men anymore. Now she's back to women!!! Nothing but flip flopping and back switching going on here!!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Facing My Past for the Future
I've been waiting and debating for so long on whether I should write this post or not. By writing this I have to come to terms with some things that happened in my past. I would have to face some realities and truths that go along with this. However, this past Sunday my pastor made a goo comment about having skeletons in the closet and for some people we may have bodies in our closet. Well, I have one issue that I have never faced still dangling in my closet. I have never told anyone until now. Actually, it took me up until yesterday to really admit to myself what happened and the effects that I suffered also.
When I was around 5 or 6 my next door neighbor, she was not too much older than me, would come over to play with me sometimes. Well one day she said she wanted to play a game were she was a "boy" and I was a "girl." I said okay, and so we started playing and next thing I know she begins to touch me in all of the wrong areas. At first I didn't like it but she convinced me that we were just playing and that no one would never know. She said that she did this with all of her friends. So we kept playing and she then asked me to lay down so that she could "do it to me." She repeatedly touched me and rubbed her body against mine. She kept telling me that no one would find out and that if I wanted to continue being her friend we would have to switch places. Meaning I would play the boy and she would be the "girl." She would coach me on were to touch her and how to rub up against her. I never told anyone cause she said friends wouldn't tell on each other. So, as the years went by I just put it in the back of my memory until recently. I have been going through some personal recognition and truths so that I can move forward with my life. Releasing this has made me feel a lot better. As to whether or not I believed she molested me, I don't know? Maybe one would say she did and someone else would say she didn't. I just know that now I don't have this stuck in my mind as a bottled up memory so I am at peace with myself.
When I was around 5 or 6 my next door neighbor, she was not too much older than me, would come over to play with me sometimes. Well one day she said she wanted to play a game were she was a "boy" and I was a "girl." I said okay, and so we started playing and next thing I know she begins to touch me in all of the wrong areas. At first I didn't like it but she convinced me that we were just playing and that no one would never know. She said that she did this with all of her friends. So we kept playing and she then asked me to lay down so that she could "do it to me." She repeatedly touched me and rubbed her body against mine. She kept telling me that no one would find out and that if I wanted to continue being her friend we would have to switch places. Meaning I would play the boy and she would be the "girl." She would coach me on were to touch her and how to rub up against her. I never told anyone cause she said friends wouldn't tell on each other. So, as the years went by I just put it in the back of my memory until recently. I have been going through some personal recognition and truths so that I can move forward with my life. Releasing this has made me feel a lot better. As to whether or not I believed she molested me, I don't know? Maybe one would say she did and someone else would say she didn't. I just know that now I don't have this stuck in my mind as a bottled up memory so I am at peace with myself.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Depressed No More!!
Hey...I'm back..People I tell you. I was going through some changes. My job had to let me go for month and I should be back to work in November (thank God). My personal life isn't going the way I want it to go. So for a while I have been in a very quiet mood.....But all of that has changed now!!!
I don't know what was going on with me. For that past several weeks I've been in a major funk. I don't know if I was depressed, hurt, or just not feeling life at that moment. However, your girl is doing much better now. I think a switch just went off and said "Okay, its time to move on." Moving on is just what I did. I've started a new workout plan, got a new hairstyle, and bought some new clothes and shoes. I had to cheer myself and start down my new road of self discovery. I think my change of mood may have something to do with the change of the season. Fall is here and there are new beginnings all around me. I can hardly wait to step into my destiny!
As time goes on I will be more consistent with my life changes as well as posting new things along with venturing out. Not only will I be venturing out more in my personal life, but in the blog world as well. I got some new ideas floating around in my head and very soon they will be manifesting themselves in my life and the lives of others. Until then, talk to you all later!!!
I don't know what was going on with me. For that past several weeks I've been in a major funk. I don't know if I was depressed, hurt, or just not feeling life at that moment. However, your girl is doing much better now. I think a switch just went off and said "Okay, its time to move on." Moving on is just what I did. I've started a new workout plan, got a new hairstyle, and bought some new clothes and shoes. I had to cheer myself and start down my new road of self discovery. I think my change of mood may have something to do with the change of the season. Fall is here and there are new beginnings all around me. I can hardly wait to step into my destiny!
As time goes on I will be more consistent with my life changes as well as posting new things along with venturing out. Not only will I be venturing out more in my personal life, but in the blog world as well. I got some new ideas floating around in my head and very soon they will be manifesting themselves in my life and the lives of others. Until then, talk to you all later!!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Semi-Update...the same ol' same ol'
Okay I'm here....been busy for a while..not having the internet at home is getting me too. I tell you if hasn't been one thing after another. I got back from my trip to Ecuador at the beginning of the month. Came back home sick with bronchitis and upper respirtory infection. I stayed out of work for an extra week (my Lord). Come back to work with a mountain of papers on my desk and day by day the stack gets larger. Now my job my job. Am I thankful for it yes, do I like everyone here--NO!! You always have those that nose around in your business. Well in my case that person or person(s) nosing around got me called into a private meeting with my two managers. Now these people could have saved their breaths cause what they were speaking about I already knew. I tell you this someone around here better keep my name out of their mouth and worry about their own job.
I know this is just a hard attempt by the devil to knock me off my game of walking in the glory of God. However, he will not win....I'm more than a conquorer through Jesus Christ!!!! Now they have some people playing babsitter with me like I don't know it. Its three nosey women and I know they are guilty because when I look at them they can't look me in the eye. One of them was face to face with me from a distance (a short one) and she quickly turned her head. This little old lady needs to take heed just as the rest do. They don't know that by messing with and trying to underhand a child of the Kingdom is the same as doing the Almighty the same way. He created all of us in his own image. Following his plan for our life is a choice we must make but for the ones that do no weapons formed against us will prosper. That is why these people around here need to be careful. I'm not perfect in anyway possible but I do have a relationship with my Father. His hand is mighty and his wrath is feirce. Going against him in all his ways will only result in spiritual death for the wicked.
With that being said I'm done speaking about work....next subject!!!....tbc: to be continued
I know this is just a hard attempt by the devil to knock me off my game of walking in the glory of God. However, he will not win....I'm more than a conquorer through Jesus Christ!!!! Now they have some people playing babsitter with me like I don't know it. Its three nosey women and I know they are guilty because when I look at them they can't look me in the eye. One of them was face to face with me from a distance (a short one) and she quickly turned her head. This little old lady needs to take heed just as the rest do. They don't know that by messing with and trying to underhand a child of the Kingdom is the same as doing the Almighty the same way. He created all of us in his own image. Following his plan for our life is a choice we must make but for the ones that do no weapons formed against us will prosper. That is why these people around here need to be careful. I'm not perfect in anyway possible but I do have a relationship with my Father. His hand is mighty and his wrath is feirce. Going against him in all his ways will only result in spiritual death for the wicked.
With that being said I'm done speaking about work....next subject!!!....tbc: to be continued
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Read My Mind
"He Loves Me (Lyzel In E Flat)"
You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me some things to think about
Ignite me, you invite me, you co-write me, you love me, you like me
You incite me to chorus, ooh
Ooh...
You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me things to think about
Invite me, you ignite me, co-write me, you love me, you like me
Incite me to chorus
La, la, la...
Da, da, da...
Do, do, do...
You're different and special
You're different and special in every way imaginable
You love me from my hair follicles to my toenails
You got me feeling like the breeze, easy and free and lovely and new
Oh when you touch me I just can't control it
When you touch me, I just can't hold it
The emotion inside of me, I can feel it
Ah...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY-CACRCdt8
Jill did her thing with this song. I mean if someone were to ask me to describe my ideal man I would just play this song. Its like she was in my head when she wrote this. Even though I was in high school when this CD was dropped the song still resides in my heart. It brings me back to a guy that I was crushing on in high school as well as a close male friend of mine from college. I can put this song on and just drift away. I love how she says "you co-write me"...I mean that is one thing every woman is looking for in a man. To have that special someone to compliment you in every way is almost magical. When I get married I am most definitely going to play this song at my wedding....love love love the song as if you couldn't tell.
You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me some things to think about
Ignite me, you invite me, you co-write me, you love me, you like me
You incite me to chorus, ooh
Ooh...
You love me especially different every time
You keep me on my feet happily excited
By your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence
You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me
You school me, give me things to think about
Invite me, you ignite me, co-write me, you love me, you like me
Incite me to chorus
La, la, la...
Da, da, da...
Do, do, do...
You're different and special
You're different and special in every way imaginable
You love me from my hair follicles to my toenails
You got me feeling like the breeze, easy and free and lovely and new
Oh when you touch me I just can't control it
When you touch me, I just can't hold it
The emotion inside of me, I can feel it
Ah...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY-CACRCdt8
Jill did her thing with this song. I mean if someone were to ask me to describe my ideal man I would just play this song. Its like she was in my head when she wrote this. Even though I was in high school when this CD was dropped the song still resides in my heart. It brings me back to a guy that I was crushing on in high school as well as a close male friend of mine from college. I can put this song on and just drift away. I love how she says "you co-write me"...I mean that is one thing every woman is looking for in a man. To have that special someone to compliment you in every way is almost magical. When I get married I am most definitely going to play this song at my wedding....love love love the song as if you couldn't tell.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Taking A Break and Having Fun
I saw this over at Sharon's place and thought it would be a good way to break the mood I'm in while at work. I will give this a try seems like fun. What you do is pick an Artist then use the titles of their songs for the answers to the questions.
Pick your Artist: Michale Jackson
Are you a male or female:"PYT"
Describe yourself:"Smooth Criminal"
How do you feel:"Never Can Say Goodbye"
Describe where you currently live:"I Wanna be Where You Are"
If you could go anywhere, where would you go?"Rock With You"
Your favorite form of transportation:"Butterflies"
Your best friend?"Dirty Diana"
You and your best friends are:"Dangerous"
What's the weather like:"Shake Body Down to the Ground"
Favorite time of day:"Rockin' Robin"
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:"Remember the Time"
What is life to you:"Leave Me Alone"
Your relationship:"You Are Not Alone"
Your fear:"Gone too Soon"
What is the best advice you have to give:"The Man in the Mirror"
Thought for the Day:"Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough"
How I would like to die:"Thriller"
My soul's present condition:"Off The Wall"
My motto:"Beat It"
I must say this was fun...Amazing to see how I relate these songs to my life..Will forever be a MJ fan.
Pick your Artist: Michale Jackson
Are you a male or female:"PYT"
Describe yourself:"Smooth Criminal"
How do you feel:"Never Can Say Goodbye"
Describe where you currently live:"I Wanna be Where You Are"
If you could go anywhere, where would you go?"Rock With You"
Your favorite form of transportation:"Butterflies"
Your best friend?"Dirty Diana"
You and your best friends are:"Dangerous"
What's the weather like:"Shake Body Down to the Ground"
Favorite time of day:"Rockin' Robin"
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:"Remember the Time"
What is life to you:"Leave Me Alone"
Your relationship:"You Are Not Alone"
Your fear:"Gone too Soon"
What is the best advice you have to give:"The Man in the Mirror"
Thought for the Day:"Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough"
How I would like to die:"Thriller"
My soul's present condition:"Off The Wall"
My motto:"Beat It"
I must say this was fun...Amazing to see how I relate these songs to my life..Will forever be a MJ fan.
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